


These Arms of Mine

by sal_paradise



Category: Once Upon A Time In Hollywood (2019)
Genre: 1960's mindset, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cliff loves RIck and doesnt know how to accept kindness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rick is ace and in love with Cliff, Self Confidence Issues, ace!Rick, hints of acephobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22611832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_paradise/pseuds/sal_paradise
Summary: small vignettes  between Rick and Cliff  as  he  discovers new  things  about himself and  the many forms that love  can take
Relationships: Cliff Booth/Rick Dalton
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	These Arms of Mine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wildglitterwolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildglitterwolf/gifts).



> For Wildglitterwolf who asked for 1960's boys in love staring asexual Rick!  
> hope you like it!
> 
> While Rick learns that he can be loved for who he is and give love. Cliff learns he can love someone who wants him
> 
> These arms of mine, they are lonely  
> Lonely and feeling blue  
> These arms of mine, they are yearning  
> Yearning from wanting you  
> And if you would let them hold you  
> Oh, how grateful I will be  
> These arms of mine, they are burning  
> Burning from wanting you  
> These arms of mine, they are wanting  
> Wanting to hold you~these arms of mine- otis reedding

Rick knew almost right away that this was a mistake.

Anyone else, it would have been a dream come true, Rick knew men who would cut off a limb to be across from a woman as beautiful as Val. Anyone except for him...

Rick was sitting across from a stunning creature of a woman. He had met her through his hair and make-up a person on Bounty Law. She was perfect in every way, stunning, flawless skin, long cascading red hair and a figure that would never quit.

Itr was almost too good to be true that she wanted to meet Rick for dinner. Rick had thought she was beautiful and went along to meet her ignoring the butterflies fluttering in his stomach in nerves.

At first he thought it would be easy, she seemed nice enough, she worked on an adjoining set- did costumes. They talked shop through their first drink, loosening gradually but surely; She told Rick she was a big, fan stroking his ego- laughing at all his dumb jokes in the right way and as they moved through the courses and into dessert Rick could feel the visible shift in the room Val - Valerie no longer was looking at him in mild interest she was looking at him longing… in hunger… 

Rick gulped.

He was trying to drag this on for as long as he could trying to avoid the very obvious signs.

As he helped her into the car with the intention of dropping her at home, she tugged his wrist gently almost playfully “ Do you want to come up with me?” she asked her voice light and airy and Rick’s stomach dropped.

He didn’t feel lucky at this moment, he felt nervous. It was like all the other dates that had come before and pain tugged at his insides.

_ He could do it, he swore he could. _

“S-sure” he managed allowing Val to lead him inside.She fixed him a drink ( which became 4) and they chatted lightly .

Rick could almost pretend he made it, he was fine .. he was safe. He tried to ignore Val’s feminine laugh and close proximity; but those same hands that had guided him there, had seemed gentle turned- soon they were plucking and pawing at him like he was a gift to be unwrapped.

“Hey-y what are you up to?” he manage weakly trying to not let her see how nervous he felt 

“Oh you know.” gentle lips found his, smearing crimson across them.

_ Shit. _

Rick flinched hard as she got his shirt open “ what's the matter Rick? Do you want me to lead?” she smiled and Rick could feel her hunger.

He didn't want this.

He didn’t want this at all.

“ S-stop” he managed to pull away from her. His heart was rocketing in his ears “ I don’t want this I-I”

Val frowned “ what's the matter handsome? Are you nervous?” she smiled “ come on let’s get more comfortable” he hand started to drift down to undo his belt- 

Rick jumped up in a panic “ I- I have to go I’m sorry I don’t think this gonna work o-out” he rasped out.

Val blinked “ Rick honey what’s wrong? Calm down it’s gonna be okay” she reached out to sooth him but his Rick felt like the walls were closing in his breath coming in harsh gasps.

“I- I gotta go Val- I” he fumbled with the door finally getting it open behind him he could hear Val now not so soothing- she sounded irritated “ you know I tried to ignore what everyone said about you Dalton but they’re right- you’re a freak there's something wrong with you. You’re fucked up” the words stung like a back handed slap and Rick couldn’t help wincing in pain.

He ran, he ran till his lungs burned- He made it several blocks before he collapsed into an empty alley panting and crying.

Xxxxx

Rick had known something was off with him since he was a child. When he was little he never was more interested in horses on his family farm than girls, he always had friends but when his friends started telling him they had crushes in the neighbouring area.

He had lied his way through crushes, and dates his whole life making every excuse under the sun for why his relationships never lasted. He’d laugh and tell everyone he was unlucky in love… he knew better

“So partner, how did the date go?”

Rick cringed.

“ It- it didn’t go how I thought.”

“ Really? Val is a looker, I thought you two would get on like a house on fire.”

“ I t-thought so, but it d-didn’t click.”

Cliff frowned he noticed the actor tensed his fists clenched “did she say she didn't want to see you again?”

“ Yeah.”

“I’m sorry Rick.”

“It’s okay” he couldn't help but notice the slight shake in Rick’s hand as he fished out a cigarette to keep him busy.

“It’s okay- no harm no f-foul.”

“You’ll sweep the next one off her feet.”

A numb nod “yeah” was only his only reply.

Xxxx

It didn’t. 

The next time was worse.

Her lips tasted like ashes.

Rick tried to breathe through it, tried to enjoy- he was lucky, he had a beautiful woman all to himself -this attention and yet…

He found his mind was not her.

He wished he was home.

Xxxxx

“ Should we go out partner? It’s a nice night.`` It's a Saturday- Rick is home instead of out on the town.

Cliff looks like a caged animal. Ready to pounce.

“‘I’m okay Cliff, you should go have fun.” Rick lay sprawled on his couch Brandy on his lap happy for the attention.

Cliff frowned “are you sure there are lots of beautiful creatures waiting to be swept away by Jake Cahill.”

Rick gave a small smile “ yeah I bet, but this cowboy is tired as hell s-seriously, go- enjoy I-I release you.”

Cliff frowned, looking every bit the beaten puppy.

“Alright boss, if you say so-see you tomorrow?”

“ See you tomorrow.”

“I'll leave Brandy here, gives me a reason to come back.” Cliff managed with a wink and was gone.

Rick would never admit he spent half the night wondering what his stuntman got up to.

Xxxx

They were schmoozing at a Hollywood party by some miracle Cliff was allowed to come- Rick ignored the glares they shot the stunt man who seems more interested in the bacon wrapped dates- despite Cliff’s reputation attention of the female variety seemed to be attracted to them both.

Rick made pleasantries, shaking hands, laughing at all the correct moments, and clinking glasses while Cliff stuffed his face and enjoyed the free booze; there was a perk of being a social pariah but still reaping the rewards...

At one point Cliff disappeared with a petite blonde who seemed to have eyes only for him; she commented on how muscular and strong he was and looked at him like he hung the moon in the sky- as she clung to his arm but Cliff didn’t seem to mind.

“Good” thought Rick didn't want his buddy to be bored, he tended to get restless and that usually led to trouble. While Rick caught up with a co-star laughing, talking- trying to play his part but he found his gaze searching the room for his buddy. He always felt better with his buddy beside him. Soon he was pacing and getting restless when he didn’t return- and Rick made his excuses and went in search of his other half but when he found him again.

He regretted it.

He found Cliff upstairs tucked into a mostly empty hallway, Rick recognized his voice right away, that deep growling timbre. Rick knew curiosity killed the cat - he knew he should walk away and leave some stones unturned- but he couldn’t...Slowly he peaked around the corner.

Cliff’s arms were wrapped around the petite blond and they were locked in a passionate kiss, tugging at one another aggressively. Rick felt his heartbeat quicken and then dropped as he saw Cliff hungrily deepen it letting a little growl of need until the blonde broke the kiss giggling madly .

“ Darn Mr. Stunt man who taught you to kiss?”

“Natural talent, beautiful”

“I see and did you have to be as good as your leading man?”

Rick flushed from where he was hidden.

Cliff only hummed in response kissing her neck “I don’t know you tell me.” he rasped.

The blonde gasped harshly “ Stop Cliff they're gonna catch us!”

“Mmmm that’s okay” his loose hand started to wander lightly on the hem of her skirt, she giggled her eyes rolling in pleasure.

“I like to live with a bit of danger don’t you?” he whispered into the dip of her collar as she moaned in pleasure that sent shivers down Rick’s spine. He felt his face heat in embarrassment- and longing?

Rick could see his stuntman’s wandering hands and her grappling finger in his hair-

_ Fuck. _

“ I like it when people wat-”

Rick couldn’t take it anymore. He stumbled out into the hall abruptly breaking up the lovers.

Cliff looked like a kid with his hand in the cookie jar- the blond was now a light shade of pink.

“Oh S-shit Cliff, sorry- fuck!” Rick managed “I-I was lookin for the b-bathroom I-” 

Cliff gave a weak half smile “ It’s alright partner this place is fuckin huge, easy mistake.”

“Yeah”

Cliff whistled “ Well did we outstay our welcome yet?”

Rick didn’t know how to feel, something deep inside of him ached. He felt like he did when he was a boy and his pony had to be put down. Something that had stalked him his whole life.

Rick shook his head “N-no I-I a, just gonna head back to the house I- I don’t feel well- too m-many bacon wrapped dates.” He plastered on the fakest smile he could and quickly made from the room by the time Cliff could go after him… he was gone.

Xxxx

“You really thought- you really thought he’d like you like that? You’re a-an idiot” Rick snarled 

He was home by himself- he had hitched home and fumbled a drink the minute he stepped through the door- his heart was hammering, he felt like he was going to be sick- in his mind’s eye Rick couldn’t stop playing over and over what he had seen.Cliff with his hands all over that beautiful woman, how needy they both were, how he kissed and caressed her.

_ Why are you shocked _ ? His mind asked asked him  _ you didn't think that Cliff would - _

_ Fuck. _

He needed a drink.

Rick drank himself into an oblivion trying to forget what he had seen but his mind was cruel and like a broken record kept repeating that over and over again,

_ Why? _

_ He had seen people together like that before and never had this reaction before- what had changed?  _

_ You know why  _ his mind managed.

__

Rick froze _ , No, I don’t. _

_ You do! It’s not the act it’s who it’s with it’s- _

“Cliff” he breathed into the room... No he couldn’t possibly-

_ You wanted to be in her place.. You were- _

_ “ _ Shut up!” Rick barked at the empty room. He could feel the tears brimming in his eyes “I don't! I don’t feel that way about Cliff!”

“Feel what way about Cliff?” a deep familiar voice asked.

Rick froze.  _ Fuck shit he- _

Cliff sauntered by into the room still looking dapper from the party.Rick was stuck in place like a deer in headlights,eyes wide mouth agape.

“Cliff I-

“Answer the question Dalton, you were clearly talking about me to someone” the other man gestured to the empty house- “so tell me how do not apparently feel about me?” he came to stop a few steps from the actor.

“N- nothing I’m j-just runnin’ some lines is all-”

“ Can’t bullshit a bullshitter Dalton- try again.”

“I- I” Rick could feel heat creeping up his neck as he held his stuntman’s gaze who had the audacity to look at his fraying nerves with a concerned soft gaze.

“Hey- does it have to do with what happened this afternoon?” Cliff managed quietly.

Rick felt his back stiffen automatically “ N-no I-”

“Rick-” a calloused hand found his wrapping it fiercely in his grip planting him to the spot “ It’s okay you can tell me, I know something ain’t right.”

_ Fuck. _

“I- I don’t what you're talking about about Cliff I’m just-”

“ You can trust me man, whatever it is- whatever it could be I’d never kick ya to the curb.” He laughed but Rick reminded dour eyes downcast.

Rick swallowed thickly “ It's not about h-her it’s about you Cliff- You’re my best friend man and we do everything together and I think the way I feel will- I’m s-scared to hell to lose you.”

“What could you do to scare me?”

There was a buzzing quiet between them as Cliff waited for an answer, patient as ever. Finally he managed- “ Cliff I- I think I want to be with you” Rick whispered.

Cliff froze.

“ You want to be with me how?” Cliff managed to cock his head “ you think I’m handsome?”

Rick nodded “ I- I always have” he managed.

This caused Cliff to blink.

The fact of matter was Cliff Booth had been in love for a long time, sure there were flings and make outs and for a short time a marriage but he didn't fall in love till he met Rick Dalton. He learned to swallow that emotion fast though, this big bad silver screen cowboy would never be into Cliff- he saw the way he whisked women away and thought if someone could never do the same to him so he had mentally shut that door it had been a lovely pipe dream and nothing more.

Occasionally he went back to it when they were close relying on one another; he could dream that they were more… but he had told himself he had to live for reality not the dream.

Yet- whatever pipe dream this was- his leading man stood before him baring his heart flustered and aching and Cliff couldn't help but stare in disbelief-

“-But I don’t t-think I can be what you need.” Cliff reentered reality coming down from cloud nine that Rick liked him.

“I- What?”

“I can’t be what you need in a p-partner Cliff.” Rick managed tears were brimming once more- he was obviously very pained it was something more…

“Course you can partner, we can make it work” Cliff took a step towards him testing how much he could get into the actor’s space he reached out tentatively only to have Rick pull back-

“No- you d-don’t get it… I think there’s something wrong with me.”

Cliff stiffened already wanting to punch and maim whoever had made Rick think that “ what makes you think that?”

“ Because! It’s all a fucken sham! I’m not some playboy I haven’t been with them! There’s nothing wrong with them, it's all me! The minute they wanna get intimate I shut down! I don’t wanna be with them like that!I-” Rick was wheezing in desperation trying to get everything out, “

I don’t want t-to be with you l-like that, I don't want to be with a-anyone like that.” he sounded miserable “ I’m a fre-”

“Rick Dalton so help me if you finish that sentence.” Cliff growled he took a step forward gently as if expecting Rick to sprint; slowly he cupped Rick’s chin in his hand and raised his gaze to him “ hey- who said that you?”

Rick was quiet and that moment he saw a deep fury he had never seen - not directed at Rick but whoever had said that to him, he feared what Cliff might do.

“P- partners.. I-I didn’t want to- I don’t feel that way about people, she was pretty but I never-” the actor sighed and he was pained, something heavy tugged at his heart and Cliff ached. He had never seen the actor so lost.

“How long- have you felt this way?” he asked, gently he wiped away the silent tears as Rick splintered and cracked before him.

“ Since I was a y-young man, when all the boys started chasin’ girls I faked it I-I thought that's what was supposed to do- that it w-would come eventually.” He gave a weak smile “It never did no matter how pretty, how charming, how kind or brash they were, I realized I always felt nothing… the stuff everyone talked about , that desire, that y-yearning I wanted to so badly Cliff-” he gave the weakest of smile “it’s like I got a hole-”

It came to Cliff at that moment that it was no surprise Rick became an actor, he got to pretend to be all the things he thought he could never be.

“Don’t you dare- there’s nothing wrong with you-” He gripped the actor by the shoulders

“ regardless of how you felt then- you’re worthy-”

A heavy sob broke from Rick as he could feel the stuntman’s warm words they felt real, they felt like the truth and it ached him how much he needed this. How much he was feeling then… for Cliff.

“Rick” Cliff managed “This is what you’ve been hiding? This doesn’t matter to me it changes nothing if you don’t want it to…”

“It changes e-everything.” Rick whispered miserably “ You’re the first p-person I didn’t have to pretend- didn’t have to fake it. It’s real w-what I feel and I can’t give y-you what you want- I can’t be her or anyone for y-you.”

Cliff doesn’t know what to say the misery hangs heavy on the actor a burden he’s carried for years- a yawning wide loneliness “that’s not all wanting someone is Rick- you can still be what they need-”

“But- you I can’t be what  **_you_ ** need-”

Cliff frowned. “ how do you know- you’ve never asked me- you could be everything I need.”

Rick stiffened.

“I- ve heard you I-I know what makes you t-tick Cliff. I know you wanna be with other people and I don’t blame you. I- don’t wanna tie you down. I’m n-nnot gonna be the reason you’re unhappy because you’re trying to make me h-happy I can't give you that s-satisfaction.”

Cliff smirked slightly but it was cruel and carried a sadness to it “ you think you got me all figured out huh? The great Rick Fuckin’ Dalton knower and seer of all.”

Rick flinched.

“- Yeah, I like to split my time between different people you aren’t wrong. It feels good at the moment ya know? I know how people see me, I know what people think when they ain’t thinking I’m out here being a psycho killer, they see me as meat. But in the morin’ when all is said and done you wanna know the truth? I still get an aching hole inside of me.”

He gives a sad sigh “ but what do I know? I’m just a pretty face- . They don't care how I feel as long as I’m good at what I do.” A bitter laugh escaped Cliff “ I'll be honest partner it doesn't really matter who I end up with I’m still lonely.” he shrugged “ they want to be with me, but they also don’t want to be  _ with _ me ya dig?”

Rick nodded.

“Rick, you’re the only person I know that actually can stand me, you want to spend time with me, you want to know me and- fuck me man that’s hot. I feel like I matter with you... You’re honest and brave and fuck, and a bit of grump but beggars can’t be choosers and-” Cliff knew he was rambling his mouth running wild but he couldn’t help it “...and I know you’re lonely too.”

The actor frowned suddenly withdrawn. “Rick, If you let me I wanna be with you too. When I’m with you, I know that I can be me and I can be -”

“-safe” Rick whispered “I- I feel safe with you.”

Cliff smiled “Me too partner.” he moved closer “ If you’ll have me, I swear I’ll always make you feel safe, you’ll never have to hide who you are from me. You never have to be something you’re not cause you think it makes me happy.”

Cliff couldn’t stand it anymore, he yearned to touch but he didn't want to hurt him- to scare Rick. To his surprise as he was mentally fretting Rick closed the remaining distance and leaned heavily into Cliff’s chest, his hands clutching almost desperately at the other man. Rick let out a heavy sigh, placing his head of Cliff’s chest, as Cliff held him in a loose embrace. Cliff felt himself relaxing, when Rick’s arms wrapped around him and they simply stood there as time passed them by.

“Hey” Cliff whispered “Can I do something for us?”

Rick looked up at him “sure?”

Cliff smiled pulling away and went about digging around in crate of records that Rick kept in a corner of the room till he finally found what he was looking for and placed it on the turntable and bounced back over to him as the music started.

“Cliff?” Rick managed as the stunt man wrapped him in his arms gently

“ I figured there was a chance to give you something neither of us have really had. Did you ever go to a school dance?”

Rick flushed a shade of scarlet “I-I uh no.”

“Mmm mine didn't go the way I wanted either- so how about a redo?

The air filled with a familiar tune that recognized well Otis Redding started crooning his love lorn ways in “ These Arms of Mine”

“May I have this dance?”

Rick seemed stunned “Cliff I-”

“Listen Dalton I think we’ve lain our cards on the table, I know you know who Iam and neither of us has run screaming for the hills- so please let me do this again the right way, which is romancing ya and sweeping ya off your feet huh?” he gently plucked Rick’s arms up and wrapped them around his neck leading them to swaying gently to the music.

Rick couldn’t help the blush that lit up his face as Otis crooned. Cornflower blue that reminded Cliff of the open skies of his youth and arctic blue that reminded Rick of the mountain majesty of home.

_ These arms of mine are yearning, yearning from wanting you. And if you would let them hold you, oh how grateful I will be.. _

Cliff gave a big gentle smile as he saw Rick untensing before his eyes as they swayed; slowly, Cliff’s hand drifted to the actors hips ready to retract if he was unhappy but he allowed this.

“How lucky am I? Slow dancing with Rick Fucking Dalton.”

Rick chuckled and Cliff marveled at how easy it was to bring him joy and how good it felt to be the source of that satisfaction, the way no amount of one night stands had been for him- even when Cliff wanted more he wanted that connection- people turned away; they were scared. Of him.

So having someone who wanted him for him, not what trick he could do in bed or the instant gratification he could bring them, was something he had never felt for- it warmed some part of him no one had before.

_ I need me somebody, somebody to treat me right, ohI need your arms, loving arms to hold me tight _

_ And I, I, I need your, I need your tender lips, to hold me _

Slowly, ever so slowly Rick found himself pressed to his stuntman’s chest, swaying gently to the music and the level of calmness of acceptance that Rick had longed for was real. It was happening. He didn’t need to be afraid. He sighed gently, finding Cliff’s shoulder listening to him quietly hum along as they moved.

As the song ended Cliff smiled down at him “ Hey partner?”

“Mm yeah?”

“Can I make a request?”

“Okay”

“ Let’s start over again partner, let’s try to make it work, I wanna be with you, I want to learn to love you and I want to do right. Rick Dalton, will you go on a date with me?”

Rick smiled, a genuine, truly relieved smile.

“Cliff Booth, I will” he managed, and the stunt man brought the foreheads together nuzzling him 

“ best news I’ve heard all goddamn day-” he tugged him closer “ and awway we go.”

**Author's Note:**

> in the tumbleverse- --> life-on-the geek-side


End file.
